So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
