you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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