OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
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