Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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