I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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