They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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