I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
