Sponge bath it is.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
