My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
