I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
