she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
