I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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