how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
