you guys were way drunker than both of me
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
