im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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