i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
