We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I am in a vortex of obligation.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
