what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
