my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
