It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
