I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
