I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
