I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
