I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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