Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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