I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
