tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
