when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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