the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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