It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
The uberlube is also flammable
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
