I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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