Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize
