if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
time to smoke my breakfast
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
This baby is an asshole
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Randomize
