and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
