we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
