either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
