He is an equal opportunity slut.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
