i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
