i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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