worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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