You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Randomize
