I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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