I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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