We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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