i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
