I think scott just propositioned me for sex
He kissed a someone with a penis
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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