i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
