It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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