I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
