have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
25 Disturbing Facts That Will Make You Question Everything
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
31 People Admit To Nasty Things They Do On The Reg
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.