I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.