We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins