i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice