he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat