who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize