FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
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