The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize