I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
