Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
It's shark week go big or go home
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
