Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
