I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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