You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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