He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
