So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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