My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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