I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
