i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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