Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
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The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
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I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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