ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize