I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
