google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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