Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Randomize
