my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
