how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
