Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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