Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
