I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize