dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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