Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
