did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
my shit smells like andre
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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