Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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