Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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