dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
