As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
