I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
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I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
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