Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
